Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

“After you left early yesterday (после того, как вы ушли рано вчера; to leave – покидать; уходить) to go to your grandmother's funeral (чтобы пойти на похороны вашей бабушки), she stopped in to see you (она заглянула/зашла вас повидать).”

death [de?], employees [,empl??'i:z], recruit [r?'kru:t], replied [r?'pla?d], funeral ['fju:n(?)r?l]

”Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.

“Yes, Sir,” the new recruit replied.

“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on.

“After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.”

• That makes everything just fine.

20. A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer (дирижер имел много неприятностей с одним ударником). He talked and talked and talked (он говорил, говорил и говорил) with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve (но его исполнение просто не улучшалось).

Finally (наконец), before the whole orchestra, he said (перед всем оркестром он сказал), “When a musician just can't handle his instrument (когда музыкант просто не умеет обращаться со своим инструментом) and doesn't improve when given help (и не совершенствуется, когда получает помощь), they take away the instrument («они» забирают «прочь» инструмент), and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer (и дают ему две палочки и делают его ударником).

”

A stage whisper («театральный» шепот) was heard from the percussion section (был услышан cо стороны ударников; to hear; percussion – столкновение; percussion instrument – ударный инструмент): “And if he can't handle even that (а если он не может владеть даже этим; to handle – оперировать; справляться), they take away one of his sticks (забирают одну из его палочек) and make him a conductor (и делают его дирижером).

”

director [d?'rekt?; da?(?)'rekt?], performance [p?'f?:m?ns], improve [?m'pru:v], finally ['fa?n(?)l?], orchestra ['?:k?str?], percussion [p?'k??(?)n], conductor [k?n'd?kt?]

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer.

He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.

Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.