Голубые ступени / Stepping into the blue

But still…

«Maybe it’s a miracle,» she thought, when things finally did work out. «Maybe it’s true that I got help from heaven!» And back at home she secretly kissed the little cross she kept underneath a slip of paper at the bottom of a jewelry box.

She had been afraid at first (though needlessly) that he might object to the placement she had obtained for him. After all, with a first-class honours degree from the Moscow Conservatory how could he stoop to teaching kids in a music school? She smiled. And now four years had gone by already and he didn’t even want to leave.

She looked at her watch. Time to go.

She wasn’t concerned. She didn’t hurry. She didn’t even think about it – she forced herself not to think about what would happen in the future, ever since she realized that whatever happened she couldn’t live without him. The important step had already been taken: she had found a professor who was willing to operate on her. That had proved very difficult. Extremely. One chance in ten – to be three centimetres taller and straighter.

She looked up at the sun – the cloud had moved on, and in her head there were no more trite words, such as «everything will turn out all right».

«Good timing!» she only thought. «He’ll be away for a week. I’ve written Mama a note. Everything’s been taken care of.

«Mama, mama… She was always telling me: „Remember, Irka,[5 - Both Irka and Irochka are diminutive forms of the name Irina, each befitting the respective context.

] once you fall in love you’ll lose everything. You’re just like me, you can’t do anything half-way in life.“ Oh, Mamochka, Mama!»

She slipped her fingers under the broad belt across her chest, gave her shoulder a shake to adjust her bag, and this brought her back with a jolt. The steps ahead of her had become simply wet, and people had every reason to go quite calmly up and down them without noticing anything. From the moment she realized she loved him she had known she would be taking this step, and she would carry through.

She would take this step, whether he was faithful to her or not – for her there was no other choice.

She closed her eyelids for a moment, then raised her leg and stepped into the ’sky’, its blueness now completely shattered. Her footsteps – one, two, three – left wet imprints in the snow-slushy water, which once more resumed its downward course, reflecting the sky. Everything looked as it did before.