Английские анекдоты / English Jokes

While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?”

The father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”

A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish breathe underwater?”

Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”

A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”

Again, the father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”

Finally, the boy asked his father, “Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?”

The father replied, “Of course not, you don’t ask questions, you never learn nothing.”

* * *

Mother (in a low tone): Tommy, your grandfather is very sick. Can’t you say something nice to him to cheer him a bit?

Tommy: Grandfather, wouldn’t you like to have soldiers at your funeral?

* * *

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.

The father replies, “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”

The boy picks up[6 - picks up – забирает, подхватывает] his date and they go to a fountain. They stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds.[7 - nervousness builds – волнение растёт]

He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic.

He asks the girl, “Do you like spinach?”

She says “No,” and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother?” Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl the following question: “If you had a brother, would he like spinach?”

* * *

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around[8 - walk around – подходить] to see each child’s artwork.

As she got to[9 - as she got to – когда она подошла] one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what her drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.