«Тобиас Ужасный» и другие рассказы

But as Lieutenant Harrigan is just about to take his guys out of the joint when Tobias Tweeney nods a little too far forward in his chair, and then all of a sudden topples over on the floor, and five large rods pop out of his pockets, and the next thing anybody knows there is Tobias Tweeney under arrest.

Well, the next day the newspapers are plumb full of the capture of a guy they call Twelve–Gun Tweeney, and the papers say that this is undoubtedly the toughest guy the world ever sees, because they never before hear of a guy going around rodded up with twelve guns.

The gendarmes say they can tell by the way he acts that Twelve–Gun Tweeney is a mighty bloodthirsty guy, because he says nothing whatever but only glares at them with a steely glint in his eyes, although of course the reason Tobias stares at them is because he is still too dumbfounded to think of anything to say.

Naturally, I figure that when Tobias comes up for air he is a sure thing to spill the whole business, and all the parties who are in Good Time Charley's when he is arrested figure the same way, and go into retirement for a time.

But it seems that when Tobias finally realizes what time it is, he is getting so much attention that it swells him all up and he decides to keep on being Twelve–Gun Tweeney as long as he can, which is a decision that is a very nice break for all parties concerned.

I sneak down into the courtroom the day Tobias is charged of violation of the law against carrying rods, and the courtroom is packed with citizens eager to see a desperate character.

Among these citizens are many pretty dolls, pulling and hauling for position, and some of these dolls are by no means crows. Many photographers are hanging around to take pictures of Twelve–Gun Tweeney as he is led in handcuffed to gendarmes on either side of him, and with other gendarmes in front and behind him.

But one and all are greatly surprised and somewhat disappointed when they see what a little squirt Tobias is, and Judge Rascover looks down at him once, and then puts on his specs and takes another gander as if he does not believe what he sees in the first place.

Then he speaks to Lieutenant Harrigan as follows:

"Do you mean to tell this court," Judge Rascover says, "that this half–portion here is the desperate Twelve–Gun Tweeney?"

Well, Lieutenant Harrigan says there is no doubt whatever about it, and Judge Rascover wishes to know how Tobias carries all these rods, and whereaboutsю.