Дневник манифестора. Game over

t – I deserve it.

All these years, actually all my life, you know, I’ve been so strictly controlled by myself and my fam. It wasn’t literally but lots and lots of things were not allowed. There always were some strong frames and limits.

I neva have a place to be alone, my brotha always criticized my friend my lifestyle and my business. I could not communicate with whom I want, couldn’t have that friends, have no right to express my feelings and tell about my every day’s stories.

You know, it was always always been criticized in such a rude form.

Also I used to thought tha’ I need to help my relatives, need to do smth for them, need to forget about my own private life and to give all my time and strength for them. Also I thought I should be friendly, heart opened, smiley, more sociable, more funny.

Actually I wasn’t live my true life, was not allowed to be myself.

And that kind of spell I had put on by myself, because of conditioning by living all the life in between generators. I’ve always thought that it’s something so wrong with me.

But now it’s all different. I’ve successfully erased some of the frames. And most of that limits have been fade in the smoke than. I feel so very free now to feel what I really feel, to do what I really want, to react like I really feel, to make all these things and to have all these friends.

I deserve it now after that dark and hardworking years. It wasn’t dark literally but in fact that I mostly just have to deny my truly self, it was the darkest of the darks.

I deserve to hang out like this, to have my tattoo artist, to have my photographer and my musicians.

And to be a muse for them. I deserve to show up all my reactions without being afraid of what others could possibly think.

I deserve to get high about myself. Got stoned by my selfishness. Go insane doing all the stuff I’ve ever wanted so bad. Do my theatre thing without any of other’s opinions, wear my clothes and get tattooed the way which I’ve always wanted.

Namaste.