The Twelve Chairs / Двенадцать стульев. Книга для чтения на английском языке

There were springs which were so complex in design that the local mechanic could only shake his head in wonder. And all the cylinders, springs and counterweights were very powerful, slamming doors shut with the swiftness of a mousetrap. Whenever the mechanisms operated, the whole house shook. With pitiful squeals, the old women tried to escape the onslaught of the doors, but not always with success. The doors gave the fugitives a thump in the back, and at the same time, a counterweight shot past their ears with a dull rasping sound.

As Bender and the assistant warden walked around the house, the doors fired a noisy salute.

But the feudal magnificence had nothing to hide: the chair was not there. As the search progressed, the fire inspector found himself in the kitchen. Porridge was cooking in a large copper pot and gave off the smell that the smooth operator had noticed in the hall. Ostap wrinkled his nose and said: В«What is it cooking in? Lubricating oil?В» В«It's pure butter, I swear itВ», said Alchen, blushing to the roots of his hair.

В«We buy it from a farmВ». He felt very ashamed.

В«Anyway, it's not a fire riskВ», observed Ostap. The chair was not in the kitchen, either. There was only a stool, occupied by the cook, wearing a cap and apron of mouse-grey woollen material.

В«Why is everybody's clothing grey? That cloth isn't even fit to wipe the windows with!В» The shy Alchen was even more embarrassed.

В«We don't receive enough fundsВ». He was disgusted with himself.

Ostap looked at him disbelievingly and said: В«That is no concern of the fire brigade, which I am at present representingВ». Alchen was alarmed.

В«We've taken all the necessary fire precautionsВ», he declared. В«We even have a fire extinguisher. An EclairВ».

The fire inspector reluctantly proceeded in the direction of the fire extinguisher, peeping into the lumber rooms as he went. The red-iron nose of the extinguisher caused the inspector particular annoyance, despite the fact that it was the only object in the house which had any connection with fire precautions.

В«Where did you get it? At the market?В» And without waiting for an answer from the thunderstruck Alexander Yakovlevich, he removed the Eclair from the rusty nail on which it was hanging, broke the capsule without warning, and quickly pointed the nose in the air.