Самые лучшие английские анекдоты / The Best English Jokes

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A young girl once asked Mark Twain[18 - Mark Twain – Марк Твен] if he liked books for Christmas gifts. «Well, that depends,[19 - that depends – это зависит от обстоятельств]» answered the great humorist, «if a book has a leather cover, it is really valuable as a razor strop.[20 - a razor strop – ремень для правки бритвы] If it is a brief, concise work, such as the French write, it is useful to put under the short leg of a wabbly table.[21 - wabbly table – шатающийся стол] A large book, like an atlas on geography, is good to nail over a broken pane of glass.

[22 - to nail over a broken pane of glass – заделать дыру в оконном стекле]»

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By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

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A bewhiskered[23 - bewhiskered – бородатый] American farmer was once a passenger in a crowded trolley-bus. A little rather stout man was trying to reach a strap,[24 - to reach a strap – дотянуться до ремня] caught the farmer’s beard.

The farmer exclaimed indignantly:

– Take your paws away from my beard! – What’s the matter, mister? – said the aggressive little man. – Are you getting off?[25 - Are you getting off? – Вы выходите?]

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A college professor returned home from a meeting. As he entered his room, he heard a noise that seemed to come[26 - that seemed to come – который, казалось, доносился] from under the bed. «Is there someone there?» he asked absently.

«No, professor,» answered the thief. «That is strange,» muttered the professor. «I was almost sure I heard someone under the bed.»

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There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher[27 - Doberman Pinscher – доберман-пинчер (порода собаки)] and a guy with a Chihuahua.[28 - Chihuahua – чихуахуа (порода собаки)] The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua,

– Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.

The guy with the Chihuahua says,

– We can’t go in there.

We’ve got dogs with us.

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says,

– Just follow me.

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on[29 - puts on – надевает] a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says,

– Sorry, no pets allowed.

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says,

– You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.