33 лучших юмористических рассказа на английском / 33 Best Humorous Short Stories

�You say this was a negress?’

�Yes, sir.’

�Humph, No. 1, I suppose?’

�Who is Number One, sir?’

�My FIRST,’ he remarked, with a significant and sarcastic smile. Then, relapsing into his old manner, he threw his boots at my head, and bade me begone. I withdrew calmly.

Chapter V

My pupil was a bright little girl, who spoke French with a perfect accent. Her mother had been a French ballet-dancer, which probably accounted for it. Although she was only six years old, it was easy to perceive that she had been several times in love.

She once said to me: —

�Miss Mix, did you ever have the grande passion? Did you ever feel a fluttering here?’ and she placed her hand upon her small chest, and sighed quaintly, �a kind of distaste for bonbons and caromels, when the world seemed as tasteless and hollow as a broken cordial drop.’

�Then you have felt it, Nina?’ I said quietly. �O dear, yes. There was Buttons, – that was our page, you know, – I loved him dearly, but papa sent him away.

Then there was Dick, the groom, but he laughed at me, and I suffered misery!’ and she struck a tragic French attitude. �There is to be company here to-morrow,’ she added, rattling on with childish naiveté, �and papa’s sweetheart – Blanche Marabout – is to be here. You know they say she is to be my mamma.’

What thrill was this shot through me? But I rose calmly, and, administering a slight correction to the child, left the apartment.

Blunderbore House, for the next week, was the scene of gayety and merriment.

That portion of the mansion closed with a grating was walled up, and the midnight shrieks no longer troubled me.

But I felt more keenly the degradation of my situation. I was obliged to help Lady Blanche at her toilet and help her to look beautiful. For what? To captivate him? O – no, no, – but why this sudden thrill and faintness? Did he really love her? I had seen him pinch and swear at her. But I reflected that he had thrown a candlestick at my head, and my foolish heart was reassured.

It was a night of festivity, when a sudden message obliged Mr. Rawjester to leave his guests for a few hours. �Make yourselves merry, idiots,’ he added, under his breath, as he passed me. The door closed and he was gone.

An half-hour passed. In the midst of the dancing a shriek was heard, and out of the swaying crowd of fainting women and excited men a wild figure strode into the room.