Three Men in a Boat (To say Nothing of the Dog) / Трое в лодке, не считая собаки

  It seems to me so shocking to see the precious hours of a man’s life—the priceless moments that will never come back to him again—being wasted in mere brutish sleep.

There was George, throwing away in hideous sloth the inestimable gift of time; his valuable life, every second of which he would have to account for hereafter, passing away from him, unused.В  He might have been up stuffing himself with eggs and bacon, irritating the dog, or flirting with the slavey, instead of sprawling there, sunk in soul-clogging oblivion.

It was a terrible thought.В  Harris and I appeared to be struck by it at the same instant.В  We determined to save him, and, in this noble resolve, our own dispute was forgotten.В  We flew across and slung the clothes off him, and Harris landed him one with a slipper, and I shouted in his ear, and he awoke.

“Wasermarrer?” he observed, sitting up.

“Get up, you fat-headed chunk!” roared Harris.

  “It’s quarter to ten.”

“What!” he shrieked, jumping out of bed into the bath; “Who the thunder put this thing here?”

We told him he must have been a fool not to see the bath.

We finished dressing, and, when it came to the extras, we remembered that we had packed the toothbrushes and the brush and comb (that tooth-brush of mine will be the death of me, I know), and we had to go downstairs, and fish them out of the bag.

  And when we had done that George wanted the shaving tackle.  We told him that he would have to go without shaving that morning, as we weren’t going to unpack that bag again for him, nor for anyone like him.

He said:

“Don’t be absurd.  How can I go into the City like this?”

It was certainly rather rough on the City, but what cared we for human suffering?В  As Harris said, in his common, vulgar way, the City would have to lump it.

We went downstairs to breakfast.В  Montmorency had invited two other dogs to come and see him off, and they were whiling away the time by fighting on the doorstep.В  We calmed them with an umbrella, and sat down to chops and cold beef.

Harris said:

“The great thing is to make a good breakfast,” and he started with a couple of chops, saying that he would take these while they were hot, as the beef could wait.