Лучшие смешные рассказы / Best Funny Stories

[6 - the thing had gone too far – дело зашло слишком далеко] The vice had entered into his blood.

Many people, I think, heard about the golfing priest, who was always swearing when he lost.

“Golf and the ministry don’t seem to go together,” his friend told him. “Take my advice before it’s too late, and give it up, Tammas.[7 - give it up, Tammas – брось это, Тэммас]”

A few months later Tammas met his friend again.

“You were right, Jamie,[8 - Jamie – Джейми]” cried the priest, “golf and the ministry are not friends, I have followed your advice: I have given it up.

”

“Then what are you doing with that sack of clubs?” inquired Jamie.

“What am I doing with them?” repeated the puzzled Tammas. “I am going to play golf with them! Great Heavens,[9 - Great Heavens! – О Боже!] man!” he continued, “you don’t think it was the golf that I’d given up?”

The Englishman does not understand how to play. He makes a life-long labour of his sport, and to it sacrifices mind and body. The health resorts of Europe draw half their profits from the playing fields of Eton[10 - Eton – Итон] and everywhere.

In Swiss and German resorts enormously fat men come to you and explain to you that once they were the champions or the best sportsmen of their university – men who now cannot go upstairs. Fat men, between paroxysms of coughing,[11 - between paroxysms of coughing – между приступами кашля] tell you of the goals they scored when they were extraordinary forwards. Unhappy sportsmen – you can meet them everywhere.

They are pitiable people. They can read only sport news, books are of no use to them. They never trained much their mind, and, apparently, have lost the ability to think. They don’t care for[12 - they don’t care for – они безразличны к] art, and Nature only suggests to them the things they can no longer do. The mountain reminds them that once they could sleigh; the field makes them sad because they can no longer handle a golf-club; by the riverside they sit down and tell you of the salmon they caught; birds only remind them about guns; music raises visions of the local cricket-match and the local band.

We are sorry for them, but their stories are not interesting. The man who has other interests in life beyond sport is deaf to them; while they do not want to talk to one another. They do not believe one another.

The foreigner is taking our sports; we hope he will be warned by our example. Football is gaining favour more and more throughout Europe.